This weekend will be an exhibition of my prowess as a handyman. I’ve already started by installing a new garbage disposal and covering the Earl Grey with primer in favor of Pussywillow. Tomorrow I’ll learn how to patch holes in walls, and the paint will be on the walls before work on Monday.

The only downside is there will be quite a bit of climbing and moving a ladder around, and my Apple Watch gives me no credit for this activity. You think I’m going risk getting spatter on it? I’d rather not try cleaning out the Milanese Loop band.

Nicholas Lindley